| Carole Werner: |
We're married thirty seconds and already you
look at other woman. |
| Michael James: |
I have to look at her, she was talking to me;
I looked in the direction the sound was coming from. |
| ----- |
| Victor Skakapopulis: |
Do you have any salt? |
| Dr. Fritz Fassbender: |
Have I got any salt? I got a boat, I got kerosene,
matches, firecrackers, two swords, and this flag. But, I ain't
got no salt. |
| ----- |
| Liz Bien: |
I feel faint. Would you excuse me for a minute,
I'm going into the bathroom to take an overdose of sleeping
pills. |
| ----- |
| Dr. Fritz Fassbender: |
My father, the most beloved gynecologist in
Vienna, before they took him away on a morals charge for indecent
exposure at the state opera house said, and I quote, "Please
do not take me away. I will not do it again." |
| ----- |
| Dr. Fritz Fassbender: |
My wife, the creature that ate Europe, is here. |
| ----- |
| Victor Skakapopulis: |
I have terrible emotional problems, could you
help me? |
| Dr. Fritz Fassbender: |
You've certainly picked a very odd time to
ask me, I'm just in the middle of a suicide. |
| ----- |
| Victor Skakapopulis: |
I just burnt my finger! I'm going to go in
the bathroom and scream. I'll be out in a minute. |
| ----- |
| Dr. Fritz Fassbender: |
You'll like this group analysis, it's a real
freak show. If it gets dull, we sing songs. |
| ----- |
| Victor Skakapopulis: |
[I]'ve got something at the striptease. I help
the girls dress and undress. |
| Michael James: |
Nice job. |
| Victor Skakapopulis: |
Twenty francs a week. |
| Michael James: |
Not very much. |
| Victor Skakapopulis: |
It's all I can afford. |
| ----- |
| Michael James: |
In Britain, we have a national therapy, we
call it cricket. Unlike other sports, it doesn't involve anxieties
or pressures. It's leisurely and lyrical. It's the song of
willow on leather. |
| Dr. Fritz Fassbender: |
Is there any sex in it? |
| Michael James: |
Oh, no. This is a game for gentlemen, played
by gentlemen. |
| Dr. Fritz Fassbender: |
It's sick, sick. |
| ----- |
| Anna Fassbender: |
Foiled by a cheap cinematic trick. |
| ----- |
| Dr. Fritz Fassbender: |
I, uh, decided to follow you here. |
| Michael James: |
If you followed me here, how did you contrive
to be here before me? |
| Dr. Fritz Fassbender: |
I followed you . . . very fast. |
| ----- |
| Liz Bien: |
I can't go on the rest of my life being a semi-virgin. |
| Michael James: |
What in the name of all that's gracious is
a semi-virgin? |
| Liz Bien: |
Here I'm a virgin, in America I'm not. |
| Michael James: |
What do they do, stamp it on your passport? |
| ----- |
| Dr. Fritz Fassbender: |
May I explain that what you see happening here
is merely an illusion . . . |
| Anna Fassbender: |
An illusion?! |
| Dr. Fritz Fassbender: |
An illusion. Shut the door, count three . .
. |
| Anna Fassbender: |
Three?! |
| Dr. Fritz Fassbender: |
Four, if you like, but close the door and you'll
see it's just an illusion. |
| ----- |
| Michael James: |
I'll be back tomorrow. If I'm not back tomorrow,
send for the police. If they're not back tomorrow, send my
clothes. |
| ----- |
| Dr. Fritz Fassbender: |
[I]f it fails, then we'll try something else,
because I use all kinds of unorthodox methods. For example,
I've had the greatest success shutting people in dark closets. |
| ----- |
| Mayor's clerk: |
I can't spell Sigmound. |
| Dr. Fritz Fassbender: |
I think that you have a little sexual block
over the spelling of that naughty name. Allow me to help you,
I'm a psychoanalyst, among other things. |
| ----- |
| Victor Skakapopulis: |
We played strip chess. She had me down to my
shorts and I fainted from tension. |
| ----- |
| Carole Werner: |
You got something to eat? |
| Victor Skakapopulis: |
Some, uh, some fig newtons, and some Hershey
bars, and some cough drops. |
| ----- |
| Dr. Fritz Fassbender: |
[W]hen did all this come to an end? |
| Michael James: |
It didn't come to an end! That's the point. |
|
