| Rose: |
You're a Wong? |
| Gus: |
Well, my mother was Irish. |
| Rose: |
And, your father? |
| Gus: |
Wasn't. |
| ----- |
| Gus: |
I thought moms we're supposed to be nice, and
sweet, and patient. I know loan-sharks that are more forgiving
than you. |
| ----- |
| Gus: |
Your husband ain't dead, lady, he's hiding. |
| ----- |
| George: |
What, you're pulling a gun on me? I'm not afraid
of you. |
| Gus: |
Just calm down, alright? |
| George: |
You think you can take me? I'm Santa Claus! |
| ----- |
| Lloyd Chasseur: |
Telling people that she dreams about me being
castrated florentine is healthy? |
| ----- |
| Lloyd Chasseur: |
You know what mom? You know what I'm gonna
get you next Christmas? A big wooden cross, so every time
you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices, you can climb
up and nail yourself to it. |
| ----- |
| Gus: |
Let me say it one more time: I have a gun,
it's loaded, shut up, okay? |
| ----- |
| Lloyd Chasseur: |
[I]t wasn't one bad review in one louse magazine.
It was the Restaurant Guide Book of New York. And, when the
Restaurant Guide Book recommends you to Hindus looking for
a fun night out of fasting, what did you expect me to do,
change the menus? |
| ----- |
| George: |
[S]anta can't drink any more milk tonight.
Santa has a lactose intolerance, it gives him horrible gas
pains. You wanna see Santa farting down everyone's chimney? |
| ----- |
| Caroline Chasseur: |
[T]he waiter brought me my entree, it was a
salad. It was Lloyd's head on a plate of spinach, with his
penis sticking out of his ear. And, I said, "I didn't order
this," and the waiter said, "You must try it, it's a delicacy.
But, don't eat the penis, it's just a garnish." |
| Dr. Wong: |
Lloyd, what do you think about the dream? |
| Lloyd Chasseur: |
I think she should stop telling it at dinner
parties to all our friends. |
| ----- |
| Gus: |
From now on the only person who yells is me.
Why? Because I have a gun, okay? People with guns can do whatever
they want. Married people without guns, for instance, you,
do not yell. Why? No guns! |
| ----- |
| Lloyd Chasseur: |
What's your name? |
| Gus: |
Fu** you, that's my name. |
| ----- |
| Gus: |
Great, I just beat up Santa Claus. |
| ----- |
| Gus: |
You know what this family needs? A mute. |
| ----- |
| Gus: |
Connecticut is the fifth ring of hell. |
| ----- |
| Connie: |
We can't open presents until midnight. |
| Gus: |
Why not? |
| Connie: |
Because it's not Christmas until midnight. |
| Gus: |
Well, guess what? We're changing the rules
a little bit, okay? We're going to open the presents now,
not later, now. Why? Because we're adults and we can open
the presents . . . whenever we want! |
| ----- |
| Connie: |
I have never heard of such a Christmas: sex,
and drugs, and, and, and, and women being set on fire. |
|
