| Chris Knight: |
You didn't straighten up the place, did you? |
| Mitch Taylor: |
No. |
| Chris Knight: |
Good, because all my filth is in alphabetical
order. This for example was under "H" for toy. |
| ----- |
| Lazlo Hollyfeld: |
Well, how'd you do? |
| Chris Knight: |
"How'd I do?" I passed, but I failed! Yeah! |
| Lazlo Hollyfeld: |
Well, then I'm happy and sad for you. |
| Chris Knight: |
Thank you. |
 |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
When you're smart, people need you. |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
Don't eat that! |
| Girl: |
Huh? |
| Chris Knight: |
Don't you know that eating that stuff can give
you very large breasts? Oh my God! I'm too late! |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
Ick! Ice turned out so great! |
| "Ick" Ikagami: |
Yeah, it worked didn't it? |
| Chris Knight: |
How did you do it? |
| "Ick" Ikagami: |
Oh sure, I tell you, then you tell somebody
else, and the next thing you know, we're in the middle of
another ice age. |
| ----- |
| Prof. Jerry Hathaway: |
[T]here's something you're going to have to
understand. Compared to you, most people have the I.Q. of
a carrot. We're different than most people, Mitch . . . better. |
| ----- |
| Mitch Taylor: |
Did you know there's a guy living in our closet? |
| Chris Knight: |
You've seen him, too? |
| Mitch Taylor: |
Who is he? |
| Chris Knight: |
Hollyfeld. |
| Mitch Taylor: |
Why does he keep going into our closet? |
| Chris Knight: |
Why do you keep going into our closet? |
| Mitch Taylor: |
To get my clothes, but that's not why he goes
in there. |
| Chris Knight: |
Of course not, he's twice your size. Your clothes
would never fit him. |
| Mitch Taylor: |
Yeah? |
| Chris Knight: |
Think before you ask these questions, Mitch.
Twenty points higher than me, thinks a big guy like that can
wear his clothes? |
| ----- |
| Prof. Jerry Hathaway: |
[A]re you going to miss your friends? |
| Mitch Taylor: |
Well, no. I think I intimidate other kids. |
| Prof. Jerry Hathaway: |
Good boy. |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
How's it feel to be frozen?! Yeah, ice is nice! |
|
| ----- |
| Mitch Taylor: |
What is that? |
| Chris Knight: |
This? It's a penis stretcher. You wanna try
it? |
| Mitch Taylor: |
No! |
| Chris Knight: |
I'm kidding. It's yet another in a long series
of diversions in an attempt to avoid responsibility. |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
[I]f you think that by threatening me you can
get me to be your slave, well . . . that's where you're right. |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
The first thing you should do is get even with
Kent. It's a moral imperative. |
|
| ----- |
| Kent: |
I'm gonna get you guys. Dr. Hathaway's gonna
hear all about this. You know, you'll rue the day! |
| Chris Knight: |
"Rue the day?" Who talks like that? |
| ----- |
| Women: |
Tell me, what is Mr. Einstein really like? |
| Prof. Jerry Hathaway: |
Dead. |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
Welcome to Pacific Tech's "Smart People on
Ice!" |
| ----- |
| Prof. Jerry Hathaway: |
Take one and pass them back, just like your
I.Q. was normal. |
| ----- |
| Mitch Taylor: |
Something strange happened to me this morning. |
| Chris Knight: |
Was it a dream where you see yourself in, sort
of, Sun God robes, on a pyramid, with a thousand naked women
screaming and throwing little pickles at you? |
| Mitch Taylor: |
No. |
| Chris Knight: |
Why am I the only person that has that dream? |
| ----- |
| Dr. Dodd: |
Why is that toy on your head? |
| Chris Knight: |
Because if I wear it anywhere else it chafes. |
| ----- |
| Darlington Recruiter: |
Take very good care of this young man. He's
one of the ten finest minds in the country. |
| Chris Knight: |
Someday I hope to be two of them. |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
I didn't want you guys to think I was stuffy.
You know, no fun. All brain, no penis. |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
We had, what, no one at the mutant hamster
races. We had one entry for the Madam Curie look-alike contest,
and he was disqualified later. Why do I bother? |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
Kent puts his name on his license plate. |
| Mitch Taylor: |
My mother does the same this with my underwear. |
| Chris Knight: |
Your mother puts license plates in your underwear?
How do you sit? |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
Given the type of people you are, and the environment
you're in, you have to admit the strong probability that this
may be the only chance you will ever have in your entire lives
to have sex. |
| ----- |
| Prof. Jerry Hathaway: |
I've noticed you've stopped stuttering. |
| Bodie: |
I've been giving myself shock therapy. |
| Dr. Jerry Hathaway: |
Up the voltage. |
| ----- |
| Susan: |
Can you hammer a six inch spike through a board
with your penis? |
| Chris Knight: |
Not right now. |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
Would you be prepared if gravity reversed itself? |
| Mitch Taylor: |
I'd, well, I'd . . . |
| Chris Knight: |
The only thing I can't figure out is how to
keep the change in my pockets. I've got it . . . nudity! |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
Self realization: I was thinking of the immortal
words of Socrates, who said: "I drank what?" |
|
| ----- |
| Darlington Recruiter: |
You are Chris Knight, aren't you? |
| Chris Knight: |
I hope so. I'm wearing his underwear. |
| ----- |
| Lazlo Hollyfeld: |
I thought you might need some help with the
test, so I dug into the computer and got every question Hathaway
ever asked on every final he's ever given. |
| Chris Knight: |
Gee, I, I didn't get you anything. |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
Let's just take a step back. No, I was wrong.
I'm sorry. Take a step forward. Now take a step back . . .
and then a step forward . . . and then a step back . . . and
then we're cha-chaing. |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
This. This is ice. This is what happens to
water when it gets too cold. This. This is Kent. This is what
happens to people when they get to sexually frustrated. |
| ----- |
| Kent: |
You're all just a bunch of degenerates. |
| Chris Knight: |
We are? What about that time I found you naked
with that bowl of Jell-O. |
| Kent: |
You did not! |
| Chris Knight: |
This is true. |
| Kent: |
I was hot and I was hungry! |
| ----- |
| Prof. Jerry Hathaway: |
You still run? |
| Chris Knight: |
Only when chased. |
| ----- |
| Prof. Jerry Hathaway: |
You are no longer of any use to me! |
| Chris Knight: |
Interesting way to open up a conversation. |
| ----- |
| Prof. Jerry Hathaway: |
When I first brought you into this school,
I thought you'd become another Einstein. And, you were well
on your way. And then . . . |
| Chris Knight: |
I got a haircut. |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
Taste this. Come on, you won't hurt my feelings.
Just give it . . . yeah . . . what? Too sweet? |
| Mitch Taylor: |
What is it? |
| Chris Knight: |
I don't know. I found it in one of the labs. |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
These girls are not used to geniuses. You might
impress them! |
| ----- |
| Prof. Jerry Hathaway: |
That is one of the deans. I cannot be seen
with you. |
| Maj. Don Carnagle: |
I know Jerr', but since I'm the one driving,
don't you think you should be the one to hide?! |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
If there's ever anything I can do for you .
. . or more to the point, to you, you let me know, okay? |
| ----- |
| Mitch Taylor: |
Are you okay? |
| Jordan Cochran: |
No, not emotionally. No, I'm not. I'm disappointed.
Not terribly, but still. |
| ----- |
| Prof. Jerry Hathaway: |
That was yesterday. What have you done for
me today? |
| ----- |
| Prof. Jerry Hathaway: |
I want to start seeing a lot more of you in
the lab. |
| Chris Knight: |
Fine. I'll gain weight. |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
Would you classify that as a launch problem
or a design problem? |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
You wanted to see me, your Joggingness? |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
[J]erry asked me to drop by. What did he ask
you to do? |
| Susan: |
What? |
| Chris Knight: |
Which word didn't you understand? |
| ----- |
| Mrs. Taylor: |
I saw your show the other night on radioactive
isotopes, and I've got a question for you. |
| Prof. Jerry Hathaway: |
Yes? |
| Mrs. Taylor: |
Is that your real hair? |
| ----- |
| Chris Knight: |
Do you mind if I name my first child after
you? Dipsh** Knight has a nice ring to it. |
| ----- |
| Prof. Jerry Hathaway: |
What do you want, Knight? |
| Chris Knight: |
World peace . . . but I don't think this is
the time to discuss it. |
| ----- |
| Kent: |
When Jerry's not here, you do what I say. It
goes from God to Jerry to me. |
| ----- |
| Bodie: |
Well, I guess it goes from God to Jerry to
you to the cleaners. Right, Kent? |
 |
