| Lt. Thaddeus Harris: |
Here is the house, here is the window. I am the burglar.
I'm coming out of the house, over the hedge. I have the
stolen stereo in my hands . . . |
| Cadet Eugene Tackleberry: |
Drop that stereo before I blow your Goddamn nuts off,
a****le! |
| Lt. Thaddeus Harris: |
Tackleberry, we really need to talk. |
| ----- |
| Cmndt. Eric Lassard: |
What do you intend to do about Mahoney? |
| Lt. Thaddeus Harris: |
What's he done? |
| Cmndt. Eric Lassard: |
"What's he done?" I'll tell you what he's done . . . |
| Lt. Thaddeus Harris: |
Yes, sir? |
| Cmndt. Eric Lassard: |
He did a very, very bad thing. |
| Lt. Thaddeus Harris: |
To whom, sir? |
| Cmndt. Eric Lassard: |
"To whom?" |
| Lt. Thaddeus Harris: |
Yes, sir. |
| Cmndt. Eric Lassard: |
Well, I don't know. |
| ----- |
| Lt. Thaddeus Harris: |
You make me sick. |
| Cadet Carey Mahoney: |
Thank you, sir. I make everybody sick. |
| ----- |
| Cadet Carey Mahoney: |
What's you name? |
| Cadet Larvell Jones: |
Jones. Larvell Jones. Monsignor, Larvell Jones . . . M.D. |
| Police Officer: |
Let's go, Mahoney. |
| Cadet Carey Mahoney: |
See you 'round, Monsignor. |
| Cadet Larvell Jones: |
Doctor, Monsignor. |
| ----- |
| Lt. Thaddeus Harris: |
Why didn't you guys call me this weekend? |
| Cadet Kyle Blankes: |
Well, uh, nothing really happened. |
| Lt. Thaddeus Harris: |
There was a party, wasn't there? |
| Cadet Kyle Blankes: |
Yes, sir. |
| Lt. Thaddeus Harris: |
Well, what went on? |
| Cadet Chad Copeland: |
Dancing, sir. Mostly dancing. |
| ----- |
| Chief Henry Hurst: |
Back in the old days, there were Johnsons as far as the
eye could see. |
| Cmndt. Eric Lassard: |
And what a lovely sight it was. |
| ----- |
| Cmndt. Eric Lassard: |
What do you want? |
| Cadet Carey Mahoney: |
I want outta here, right now. |
| Cmndt. Eric Lassard: |
Out of this office? |
| Cadet Carey Mahoney: |
No, out of the academy. |
| ----- |
| Cadet Carey Mahoney: |
What are you doing at the academy? |
| Cadet Moses Hightower: |
I got bored with my chosen profession. |
| Cadet Carey Mahoney: |
What was that? |
| Cadet Moses Hightower: |
I was a florist. |
| Cadet Carey Mahoney: |
A florist? |
| Cadet Moses Hightower: |
You know, flowers and sh**. |
| ----- |
| Cadet Kyle Blankes: |
Cadet Kyle Blankes reporting for duty, sir. |
| Chief Henry Hurst: |
Get away from me, you a****le. |
| Cadet Kyle Blankes: |
Yes, sir. |
| ----- |
| Cadet George Martín: |
You a cadet? |
| Cadet Carey Mahoney: |
I am until I can get myself thrown out of here. Be out
by ten. |
| Cadet George Martín: |
You, like, joined the academy to get thrown out? |
| Cadet Carey Mahoney: |
That's right. |
| Cadet George Martín: |
You're a pretty interesting guy yourself. |
| ----- |
| Cadet Laverne Hooks: |
Don't move, dirt bag! |
| ----- |
| Cadet Carey Mahoney: |
Why do you wanna be a cop? |
| Cadet Karen Thompson: |
I like to dress like a man. |
| Cadet Carey Mahoney: |
Me too. |
| ----- |
| Lt. Thaddeus Harris: |
What in the Hell are you doing? |
| Cadet Carey Mahoney: |
Meeting women, sir. |
| ----- |
| Cadet Larvell Jones: |
Where are we, man? |
| Cadet Carey Mahoney: |
Ecuador. |
| ----- |
| Cadet George Martín: |
You married, huh? |
| Cadet Douglas Fackler: |
Yeah. |
| Cadet George Martín: |
That's beautiful, man. To me, marriage is a sacred institution.
So, tell me, you and the wife do it doggy-style or what? |
| ----- |
| Lt. Thaddeus Harris: |
You look like the sweet little boy from next-door. But,
you don't fool me, oh no, no. You're the devil, and you're
rotten to the core. |
| ----- |
| Cadet Eugene Tackleberry: |
Come with me! |
| ----- |
| Cadet Carey Mahoney: |
Well, time to get thrown out. |
| ----- |
| Mr. Wig: |
Find a spot, dickhead. |
| Cadet Carey Mahoney: |
"Dickhead?" |
| Mr. Wig: |
That's right. Where's the manager? |
| Cadet Carey Mahoney: |
"Dickhead?" |
| Mr. Wig: |
Park the car, butt-breath. |
| Cadet Carey Mahoney: |
"Butt-breath?" |
| ----- |
| Cadet Carey Mahoney: |
[T]hat's a wig. Wig! Wig! |
 |
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