| Jones: |
You go out onto a battlefield with this pecker sticking out
of your turret and the enemy's gonna unload on you with all
they got. Might as well paint a big red bull's-eye on the side. |
| Col. Smith: |
But, it's a troop-carrier, not a tank. |
| Jones: |
Do you want me to put a sign on it in fifty languages: "I am
a troop-carrier, not a tank. Please don't shoot at me"? |
| ----- |
| Jones: |
You've already got 4,400 rounds of machine-gun ammo. Now you
want 25 m.m. shells? |
| Col. Smith: |
General wants his ammo. |
| Jones: |
He can't have his ammo. Not unless he runs alongside this thing
carrying it. |
| ----- |
| Jones: |
Anti-tank missiles?! |
| Col. Smith: |
I don't know. |
| Jones: |
Where do I put them? The men will have to wear the missiles
as hats! |
| ----- |
| Sgt. Fanning: |
A troop-transport that can't carry troops. A reconnaissance
vehicle that's too conspicuous to do reconnaissance. |
| Col. James Burton: |
And a quasi-tank that has less armor than a snow-blower, but
has enough ammo to take out half of D.C. |
 |
| ----- |
| Gen. Partridge: |
We take atoms and molecules and before we're finished with them,
they're everything from combat boots to bombs! The kind of bombs
that nobody from the other side will ever see until the damn
thing is plowing down their chimney like Santa Claus from Hell! |
| ----- |
| Gen. Partridge: |
The Paveway is one Hell of a bomb: laser guided, state-of-the-art. |
| Madam Chairwoman: |
And it proved what? That we have an effective weapon as long
as the enemy allows us to build a two-story crane directly above
their tanks? |
| ----- |
| Gen. Partridge: |
You know in baseball, a guy who hits .400 is considered pretty
damn great. |
| Congressman: |
In baseball the losing team isn't killed by their opponents. |
| ----- |
| Col. James Burton: |
Just how long will it take you to get your "sheep specs"? |
| ----- |
| Col. James Burton: |
Do we have a rule book? |
| Sgt. Fanning: |
A rule book, sir? |
| Col. James Burton: |
You know, a book with rules in it. |
| ----- |
| Gen. Partridge: |
Even a heat-seeking missile can miss a target. |
| Madam Chairwoman: |
General, I see here that you taped electric hot-plates to the
surface of the vehicle to help your heat-seeking missile find
its target. And, that the temperature of the vehicle was so
high that it could have fried an egg at twenty feet. |
| ----- |
| Col. Smith: |
I've been a bird Colonel so long I swear I'm growing feathers! |
| ----- |
| Casper Weinberger: |
[W]hen the Sergeant York proved incapable of hitting airplanes,
we test fired it at hovering helicopters. When it failed to
hit hovering helicopters, we fired it at stationary targets
. . . and it missed those. |
| ----- |
| Madam Chairwoman: |
Am I to understand that you were not in favor of the tests Colonel
Burton proposed? |
| Gen. Partridge: |
Absolutely not. |
| Madam Chairwoman: |
"Absolutely not," yes? Or, "absolutely not," no? |
| Gen. Partridge: |
"Absolutely not," absolutely. |
| ----- |
| Sgt. Fanning: |
How do you know you're playing by the rules, if you need a rule
book to tell you what the rules are? |
| ----- |
| Col. James Burton: |
It was my understanding that only Soviet arms would be used
in these tests. |
| Col. J.D. Bock: |
Well, yes. And, Romania is one of the Soviet blocks . . . isn't
it? |
| ----- |
| Sgt. Fanning: |
Is it normal in Normal? |
| Col. James Burton: |
I think the word is . . . uneventful. |
 |
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