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The Pest
 

 

Pestario "Pest" Vargas:
[G]ood luck to you, too. Well, actually, I take that back. I hope you don't do well at all. Now that I think about it, I hope you get violated by pig-monkey men in the woods.
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Gustav Shank:
You and your snake obsessions.
Himmel Shank:
If you don't like my obsession, maybe you shouldn't have locked me in a room with a snake for six weeks!
Gustav Shank:
Are you on that again?
Himmel Shank:
Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to bore you with the defining trauma of my life.
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Himmel Shank:
Father, I don't want to participate in this, I think it's wrong.
Gustav Shank:
You have to learn sometime.
Himmel Shank:
Why would I ever have to learn how to hunt people?
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Himmel Shank:
Other fathers take their sons to baseball games, but not . . .
Gustav Shank:
Oh, tell it to Ricki Lake!
Himmel Shank:
Yah, I can see it now: "Nazi Fathers and Their Snake Obsessed Sons."
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Himmel Shank:
Well, it looks like your hunt is over. I'm going back to the house before I miss "Hogan's Heroes."
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Himmel Shank:
Don't flatter me!
Pestario "Pest" Vargas:
Okay, you have a big nose, your feet stink, and your mother dresses you funny.
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Gustav Shank:
Something is wrong.
Himmel Shank:
What could be wrong? We're hunting a human being.
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Pestario "Pest" Vargas:
Oh my, Grandma, what large pores you have.
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"Ninja":
[I]'m pretty sure her parent's are gonna understand if you just explain to them that tonight's not a good night, 'cause you're being hunted!
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Pestario "Pest" Vargas:
Love, peace, and chicken grease.
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Gustav Shank:
"Pest?" Is that your name, or a personality trait.
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Gustav Shank:
[D]on't be such a sissy!
Himmel Shank:
I don't know if you've noticed lately, father, but I am a sissy!
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Pestario "Pest" Vargas:
Why do they call you Fat Loser Boy?
Fat Loser Boy:
I don't know. I think, 'cause I'm fat, and I never win.
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Himmel Shank:
My name is Himmel.
Pestario "Pest" Vargas:
Well, heil Himmel!
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Pestario "Pest" Vargas:
I just met your insane, crazy, freak of a son . . . no offense, alright?
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Xantha Kent:
Anything you have to say to me, you can say it in front of Malaria.
Pestario "Pest" Vargas:
Anything?
Xantha Kent and Malaria:
Anything.
Pestario "Pest" Vargas:
Fine. Malaria has mossy teeth, dandruff, and a fat butt.
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"Chubby":
I can't believe you shot him!
Gustav Shank:
Oh, he's wearing a bulletproof-vest.
Himmel Shank:
Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt!
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Himmel Shank:
What makes you think he would tell you the truth, when I am his own son, and he's been lying to me his entire life?
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Gustav Shank:
You defend yourself with a puny vial of . . . cat piss?
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Pestario "Pest" Vargas:
Red light, green light--one, two, three!
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Malaria:
These jeans make me look fat.
Pestario "Pest" Vargas:
No, Malaria, your fat butt makes you look fat.
-----
Gustav Shank:
I want you to experience the utter ecstasy that comes from feeling the hot, throbbing force of a man's life, when it's in your hands.
Himmel Shank:
I'm sold!
-----
Pestario "Pest" Vargas:
What are you trying to do, perfume me to death?!

CAST
Pestario "Pest" Vargas (John Leguizamo)
Gustav Shank (Jeffrey Jones)
Himmel Shank (Edoardo Ballerini)
Xantha Kent (Tammy Townsend)
"Ninja" (Freddy Rodríguez)
"Chubby" (Aries Spears)

  
 

Copyright © 1997-2008 Dylan C. Douglas.
All Rights Reserved.
Last Updated: 06/12/2008