| Jamie: |
There's too much pressure about getting laid.
It's like taking a driver's test for manhood. |
| ----- |
| Mark Kendall: |
What you know about women would fill an atom
sized piece of toilet paper. |
| ----- |
| Russ: |
What were they doing in the showers in the
first place?! |
| Jamie: |
They were washing. We were enacting a prison
rape scene! |
| ----- |
| Russ: |
Our past histories speak for themselves. No
one's going to think we're gay. |
| Jamie: |
I don't have a past history, okay? And, neither
do you. This is it. We might as well move in together and
get his and his towels. |
| ----- |
| Mark Kendall: |
Right now I'm as close to physical perfection
as I'm gonna get. |
| Jamie: |
That's depressing. Really depressing. |
| ----- |
| Russ: |
How'd you like your crotch set on fire?! |
| ----- |
| Confederate Vampire: |
When you found me, it was 1864; virginity was
still popular! |
| ----- |
| Robin Pierce: |
I can't believe you're willing to throw away
our relationship on a one-night stand with a chauffeur, and
a butler, and a slut who eats buttons! |
| ----- |
| Mark Kendall: |
I don't wanna be a vampire. I'm a day person. |
| ----- |
| Mark Kendall: |
It's what people do when they're in love. It's
natural. It's right. |
| Robin Pierce: |
Well, it's not natural, or right, for me to
do it in a car. |
| Mark Kendall: |
What about an ice cream truck? |
| ----- |
| Robin Pierce: |
That's what's so funny: I think I wanna do
it as much as you do. |
| Mark Kendall: |
There's no such thing. |
| ----- |
| The Countess: |
Put down the cross, Robin. It only works in
movies. Besides, I'm an atheist. |
| ----- |
| The Countess: |
She's young, she's sweet, and she's pissing
me off. |
| ----- |
| Robin Pierce: |
Mark doesn't want you because you're mean and
evil. He wants me because I'm nice and sweet and pure. So
fu** off! |
| ----- |
| Mark Kendall: |
Please don't bite my buttons. |
| ----- |
| The Countess: |
Being a vampire in the 20th century is a nightmare! |
| ----- |
| Sebastian: |
Wake up, sleepy head. It's sunset. |
| ----- |
| Sebastian: |
Did we get up on the wrong side of the coffin
this evening? |
| ----- |
| Mark Kendall: |
She just thinks if it's good, it can wait. |
| Russ: |
Oh yeah? I'm good. I can't wait. |
 |
