| Howard Brackett: |
[T]his is my Goddamn bachelor party, and I
am not going to Goddamn watch--pardon my split infinitive--Funny
Girl! |
| ----- |
| Peter Malloy: |
So, I just said, "Mom, Dad, Sparky, I'm gay!" |
| Howard Brackett: |
What happened? |
| Peter Malloy: |
Well, my mom cried--for exactly ten seconds--my
boss said, "Who cares," and my Dad said, "But you're so tall." |
| ----- |
| "Be a Man" tape: |
Think about John Wayne, Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Arnold doesn't dance, he can hardly walk! |
| ----- |
| Howard Brackett: |
Howard Brackett is a big homo, queer, Mary,
sissy man! He just came out at his big church wedding! Martha
Stewart is furious! |
| ----- |
| Tom Halliwell: |
[I]'ve gotten some calls from parents wondering
if, in fact, you were a ho-ho-ho-ho . . . |
| Howard Brackett: |
Homeroom teacher? |
| ----- |
| Howard Brackett: |
This is my Peter, friend Peter! We just now
ran into each other, here at the intersexual . . . homosection
. . . intersection! |
| ----- |
| Cameron Drake: |
All the nominees are artists. We shouldn't
be forced to compete with each other, like dogs. |
| Peter Malloy: |
Well, I hear ya. Good point. So, then why are
ya here? |
| Cameron Drake: |
In case I win. |
| ----- |
| Howard's mailman: |
Of course Howard is getting married, he's a
man of his word. Is this national? |
| Peter Malloy: |
You bet. |
| Howard's mailman: |
Please, use your full zip codes. |
| ----- |
| "Be a Man" tape: |
Be a man! Kick someone, punch someone, bite
someone's ear! |
| ----- |
| Howard Brackett: |
What are we talking about here? Triple X? Little
Oral Annie? Traci Lords? Lay some adult video on me. |
| Howard's stylist: |
We got it! Uncut! |
| Bachelor party guest: |
Funny Girl! |
| ----- |
| Howard Brackett: |
[I]'m not gay! |
| Peter Malloy: |
What was Streisand's eighth album? |
| Howard Brackett: |
Uh, "Color Me Barbra." |
| Peter Malloy: |
Stud! |
| Howard Brackett: |
Everybody knows that! |
| Peter Malloy: |
Everyone where? The Little Gay-bar on the Prairie?! |
| ----- |
| "Be a Man" tape: |
Untuck your shirt. Just one side. |
| Howard Brackett: |
Ohhhh. |
| "Be a Man" tape: |
You hate this, don't you? |
| ----- |
| Mike: |
Alright! I'm gay, I'm a homo. I like guys.
I mean, I still do it with chicks every chance I get, and
I'm totally good at it, but I hate it, and I'm gay. |
| ----- |
| Howard Brackett: |
I'm not gay! |
| ----- |
| Howard Brackett: |
I'm gay. |
| ----- |
| "Be a Man" tape: |
Men do not dance. They work, they drink, they
have bad backs, they don't dance! |
| ----- |
| Howard Brackett: |
I vowed that I would not be married until Cameron
Drake was nominated for an Oscar. I though I was safe. |
| ----- |
| Howard Brackett: |
[D]o I look like a homosexual? |
| Tom Halliwell: |
Would you walk for me? |
| ----- |
| Cameron Drake: |
I'm sorry, I'm a little slow--I was a "C" student,
and now I'm a, I'm an actor. |
| ----- |
| "Be a Man" tape: |
Repeat after me: Yo! |
| Howard Brackett: |
Yo! |
| "Be a Man" tape: |
Hot damn! |
| Howard Brackett: |
Hot damn! |
| "Be a Man" tape: |
What a fabulous window treatment! |
| Howard Brackett: |
What a fab . . . |
| "Be a Man" tape: |
That was a trick! |
| ----- |
| Howard's mailman: |
I deliver Howard's man, and everybody else's.
I'm a Federal employee, and I'm gay! |
| ----- |
| Howard's stylist: |
I'm Howard's stylist, and I'm gay . . . and
I'm bald! |
| ----- |
| Peter Malloy: |
What? People don't kiss in Greenleaf? |
| Howard Brackett: |
Not at an intersection! |
| ----- |
| Mike: |
[S]mart, clean, totally decent human being,
gay! |
|
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