| Tyler Durden: |
I want you to hit me as hard as you can. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
The first rule of Fight Club is . . . you do not talk
about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is . .
. you do not talk about Fight Club! Third rule of Fight
Club: someone yells "stop," goes limp, taps out, the fight
is over. Fourth rule: only two guys to a fight. Fifth
rule: one fight at a time, fellas. Sixth rule: no shirts,
no shoes. Seventh rule: fights will go on as long as they
have to. And, the eighth and final rule: if this is your
first night at Fight Club . . . you have to fight. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
You're not your job. You're not how much money you have
in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not
the contents of your wallet. You're not you fu**ing khakis.
You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
Hi. You're going to call off you "rigorous investigation."
You're going to publically state that there is no underground
group or these guys are going to take your balls. They're
going to send one to the New York Times, one to the L.A.
Times press release style. Look . . . the people you are
after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals,
we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your
ambulances, we guard you while you sleep. Do not fu**
with us. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
How's that working out for you? |
| Narrator: |
What? |
| Tyler Durden: |
Being clever. |
| Narrator: |
Great. |
| Tyler Durden: |
Keep it up then. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
A new car built by my company leave somewhere traveling
at 60 miles per hour. The rear differential locks up.
The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside.
Now, should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles
in the field (A) multiply it by the probable rate of failure
(B) then multiply the result by the average out of court
settlement (C). A times B times C equals X. If X is less
than the cost of the recall, we don't do one. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
[I] just need to know if you've seen Tyler. |
| Proprietor of Dry Cleaners: |
I'm not supposed to speak any such information to you
nor would I even if I had said information you wanted
at this juncture . . . be able. |
| Narrator: |
You're a moron. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
We have just lost cabin pressure. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
You got some fu**ed up friends! |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
It's only after we've lost everything, that we're free
to do anything. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
You know, man, it could be worse: a woman could cut off
your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window
of a moving car. |
| Narrator: |
There's always that. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
Whoa! Okay, you are now firing a gun . . . at your imaginary
friend . . . near 400 gallons or nitroglycerin! |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
I had it all . . . even the glass dishes with tiny bubbles
and imperfections, proof that they were crafted by the
honest, simple, hard-working, indigenous peoples of .
. . wherever. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
The demolitions committee of Project Mayhem wrapped the
foundation columns of a dozen buildings with blasting
gelatin. In two minutes, primary charges will blow base
charges and a few square blocks will be reduced to smoldering
rubble. I know this, because Tyler knows this. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
I felt like destroying something beautiful. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
I ran until my muscles burned and my veins pumped battery
acid. Then, I ran some more. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
Who you were in Fight Club was not who you were in the
rest of the world. A guy came to Fight Club for the first
time, his ass was a wad of cookie dough. After a few weeks,
he was carved out of wood. |
| ----- |
| Marla Singer: |
This isn't a "for real" suicide thing. This is probably
one of those "cry for help" things. |
| ----- |
| Marla Singer: |
My God . . . I haven't been fu**ed like that since grade
school. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
Marla's philosophy of life was that she might die at any
moment. The tragedy, she said, was that she didn't. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
Our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers bailed,
what does that tell you about God? |
| Narrator: |
No, no, no . . . I don't . . . |
| Tyler Durden: |
Listen to me . . . you have to consider the possibility
that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all
probability, he hates you. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
[I] see in Fight Club, the strongest and smartest men
who've ever lived. I see all this potential. And, I see
squandering. God damn it! An entire generation pumping
gas, waiting tables: slaves with white collars. Advertising
has us chasing car and clothes, working jobs we hate so
we can buy sh** we don't need. We're the middle children
of history, man--no purpose or place. We have no great
war. No great depression. Our great war's a spiritual
war. Our great depression is our lives. We've all been
raised on television to believe that one day we'd all
be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars . . . but
we won't. We're slowly learning that fact and we're very,
very pissed off. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
Tyler's words coming out of my mouth. And, I used to be
such a nice guy. |
| ----- |
| Marla Singer: |
You fu** me, then snub me. You love me, you hate me. You
show me your sensitive side, then you turn into a total
a****le. Is this a pretty accurate description of our
relationship, Tyler? |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
You're making a big mistake, fellas. |
| Police Officer 1: |
You said you'd say that. |
| Narrator: |
I'm not Tyler Durden! |
| Police Officer 2: |
You told us you'd say that, too. |
| Narrator: |
All right, I am Tyler Durden. Listen to me, I'm giving
you a direct order: we're aborting this mission right
now. |
| Police Officer 1: |
You said you would definitely say that. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
You have a house. |
| Tyler Durden: |
Rented in your name. |
| Narrator: |
You have jobs. You have a whole life. |
| Tyler Durden: |
You have night jobs because you can't sleep . . . or you
stay up and make soap. |
| Narrator: |
Marla . . . you're fu**ing Marla, Tyler! |
| Tyler Durden: |
Technically, you're fu**ing Marla. But, it's all the same
to her. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
Clean food, please. |
| Food Court Maitre'd: |
In that case, sir, may I advise against the lady eating
the clam chowder? |
| Narrator: |
No clam chowder, thank you. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
Fu** Martha Stewart! Martha's polishing the brass on the
Titanic. It's all going down, man. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
My suitcase was vibrating? |
| Airport Security Officer: |
Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor, but . .
. every once in a while . . . it's a dildo. Of course,
it's company policy never to imply ownership. In the even
of a dildo, we have to use the indefinite article "a"
dildo, never "your" dildo. |
| ----- |
| Marla Singer: |
I got this dress at a thrift store for one dollar. |
| Narrator: |
It's was worth every penny. |
| Marla Singer: |
It's a bridesmaid's dress. Someone loved it intensely
for one day. Then, tossed it . . . like a Christmas tress.
So special, then bam--it's on the side of the road, tinsel
still clinging to it, like a sex crime victim, underwear
inside out, bound with electrical tape. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every
panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted
to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all
those French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe
smoke. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
Except for their humping, Tyler and Marla were never in
the same room. My parents pulled this exact same act for
years. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
This chick, Marla Singer, did not have testicular cancer.
She was a liar. She had no diseases at all. I had seen
her at Free and Clear--my blood parasites group, Thursdays.
Then at HOPE--my bimonthly sickle cell circle. And, again
at Seize the Day--my tuberculosis group, Friday night. |
| ----- |
| Marla Singer: |
Tyler . . . you're the worst thing that ever happened
to me. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
With a gun barrel between your teeth you speak only in
vowels. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
"I am Jack's colon . . ." |
| Tyler Durden: |
Yeah, "I get cancer. I kill Jack." |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
"I am Jack's raging bile duct . . ." |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
"I am Jack's cold sweat . . ." |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
"I am Jack's complete lack of surprise . . ." |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
"I am Jack's smirking revenge . . ." |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
"I am Jack's wasted life . . ." |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
"I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection . . ." |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
"I am Jack's broken heart . . ." |
| ----- |
| Marla Singer: |
Listen, I tried Tyler. I really tried. |
| Narrator: |
I know you did. |
| Marla Singer: |
There are things about you that I like: you're smart,
you're funny, you're spectacular in bed. But, you're intolerable.
You have very serious emotional problems. Deep seated
problems for which you should seek professional help. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
We just had a near-life experience. |
| ----- |
| Richard Chesler: |
Is this yours? |
| Narrator: |
Huh? |
| Richard Chesler: |
Pretend you're me. Make a managerial decision. You find
this, what would you do? |
| Narrator: |
Well, I've got to tell you. I'd be very, very careful
who you talk to about that, because the person who wrote
that is dangerous. And, this button-down, Oxford-cloth
psycho might just snap and then stalk from office to office
with an Armilite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semiautomatic
weapon: pumping round after round into colleagues and
coworkers. This might be someone you've known for years
. . . someone very, very close to you. |
| ----- |
| Robert 'Bob' Paulson: |
[T]he first rule of Project Mayhem is you do not ask questions. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look
like you wanna look. I fu** like you wanna fu**. I am
smart, capable, and most importantly, I'm free in all
the ways that you are not. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering
if another woman is really the answer we need. |
| ----- |
| Marla Singer: |
You are Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jackass. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
For six months I couldn't sleep. With insomnia, nothing's
real. Everything is far away. Everything is a copy of
a copy of a copy. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
Testicular cancer should be no contest . . . I think. |
| Marla Singer: |
Technically, I have more of a right to be there than you:
you still have your balls. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone
drops to zero. |
| ----- |
| Marla Singer: |
I'm not paying this back. I consider it a****le tax. |
| ----- |
| Project Mayhem Members: |
His name is Robert Paulson. His name is Robert Paulson. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
The things you own end up owning you. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
You can swallow a pint of blood before you get sick. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
Congratulations. You're one step closer to hitting bottom. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
You had to give it to him. He had a plan and it started
to make sense . . . in a Tyler sort of way--no fear, no
distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter
truly slide. |
| ----- |
| Marla Singer: |
A condom is the glass slipper of our generation. You slip
one on when you meet a stranger. You dance all night.
Then, you throw it away . . . the condom, I mean, not
the stranger. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
Tyler was now involved in a class action lawsuit with
the Pressman hotel over the urine content of their soup. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
Without pain, without sacrifice, you would have nothing. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
That's you . . . that's me . . . that's the toilet. Good? |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
When people think you're dying, man . . . they really,
really listen to you, instead of just . . . |
| Marla Singer: |
Instead of just waiting for their turn to speak. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
When deep space exploration ramps up, it will be the corporations
that name everything: the IBM stellar-sphere, the Microsoft
galley, the planet Starbucks. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
Tyler sold his soap to department stores at $20 a bar.
God knows what they charged. It was beautiful. We were
selling rich women their own fat asses back to them. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
Now a question of etiquette: as I pass, do I give you
the ass or the crotch? |
| ----- |
| Richard Chesler: |
Is that your blood? |
| Narrator: |
Some of it, yeah. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
What you are feeling is premature enlightenment! |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
He's full of pep . . . must have had his grande latte
enema. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
It was right is everyone's face, Tyler and I just made
it visible. It was on the tip of everyone's tongue, Tyler
and I just gave it a name. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
It's called a changeover. The movie goes on and no body
in the audience has any idea. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
Self-improvement is masturbation. Now, self-destruction
. . . |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
You met me at a very strange time in my life. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
She's a predator posing as a house pet. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
Tyler isn't here. Tyler went away. Tyler's gone. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
And then . . . Tyler was gone. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
Hey, even the Mona Lisa's falling apart. |
| ----- |
| Narrator: |
Bob. Bob had bitch-tits. |
| ----- |
| Tyler Durden: |
Nice big cock. |
 |
