[I]t was the classic mother B.B. gun block:
"You'll shoot your eye out." That deadly phrase uttered many
times before by hundreds of mothers, was not surmountable
by any means known to kiddom.
Life is like that. Sometimes at the height
of our reveries, when our joy is at its zenith, when all is
most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters
descend upon us.
Some men are Baptists, others Catholics. My
father was an Oldsmobile man.
The heavenly aroma still hung heavy in the
house, but it was gone, all gone! No turkey! No turkey sandwiches,
no turkey salad, no turkey gravy, turkey hash, turkey a la
king, or gallons of turkey soup! Gone, all gone!
In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry
of obscenity, that as far as we know, is still hanging in
space over lake Michigan.
[Y]ou'll shoot your eye out.
You'll shoot your eye out, kid.
Oh my God, I shot my eye out!
The Old Man:
He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny!
Immediately my feet began to sweat as those
two fluffy little bunnies with the blue button eyes stared
sappily up at me.
[W]ord of this humiliation could easily make
life at Warren G. Harding school a veritable Hell.
Ralphie (adult) (Jean
Mother (Melinda Dillon)
The Old Man (Darren McGavin)
Santa Claus (Jeff Gillen)