Sandy MacReedy:	I want you to kill every gopher on the course.
Carl Spackler:	Correct me if I'm wrong, Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy MacReedy:	Gophers! You great git! Not golfers! The little brown furry rodents!
Carl Spackler:	We can do that. We don't even have to have a reason.
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Ty Webb:	We have to win this hole.
Danny Noonan:	I kinda thought winning wasn't important.
Ty Webb:	Me winning isn't, you do.
Danny Noonan:	Great grammer.
Ty Webb:	Danny, see your future, be your future. May, make, make it, make it. Make your future Danny. I'm, I'm a veg', Danny.
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Carl Spackler:	Licensed to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man free to kill gophers at will.
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Ty Webb:	I was born to love you, I was born to lick your face, I was born to rub you, But you were born to rub me first.
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Danny Noonan:	I'm gonna end up working in a lumberyard the rest of my life.
Ty Webb:	What's wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards.
Danny Noonan:	I notice you don't spend too much time there.
Ty Webb:	I'm not sure where they are.
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Danny Noonan:	I gotta go to college. I gotta!
Ty Webb:	Ahh, Danny, this isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia, is it?
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Ty Webb:	A flute with no holes is not a flute. And, a doughnut with no hole is a Danish.
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Ty Webb:	In one physical model of the universe, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line . . . in the opposite direction.
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Al Czervik:	Hey, everybody, we're all gonna get laid!
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Ty Webb:	You take drugs, Danny?
Danny Noonan:	Every day.
Ty Webb:	Good. What's the problem?
Danny Noonan:	I don't know.
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Ty Webb:	Thank you very little.
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Ty Webb:	I like you, Betty.
Danny Noonan:	That's Danny, sir.
Ty Webb:	Danny.
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The Bishop:	Ratfarts!

CAST
Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield)
Ty Webb (Chevy Chase)
Carl Spackler (Bill Murray)
Danny Noonan (Michael O'Keefe)
The Bishop (Henry Wilcoxon)