| Stanley Jerome: |
[H]ow horny can you get? |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
I don't know, what's the highest score? |
| ----- |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
What if they took a shower together, Aunt Blanche
and Nora? If I could walk in and see that, I would thank God
and become a rabbi. |
| ----- |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
October the 2nd, 1937. A historic moment in
the life of Eugene Morris Jerome. I have just seen the Golden
Palace of the Himalayas. Puberty is over. Onwards and upwards! |
| ----- |
| Stanley Jerome: |
[I] have a major problem in my life, I haven't
got time to describe girls masturbating for you. |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
Just draw me a picture, I brought a pencil.
You want crayons, maybe you should do it in color. |
| ----- |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
I'm putting all this down in my memoirs, so
if I grow up twisted and warped, the world will know why. |
| ----- |
| Kate Jerome: |
What would you tell your father if he came
home, and I was dead on the kitchen floor? |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
I'd say, "don't go in the kitchen, Pop." |
| ----- |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
The tension in the air was so thick you could
cut it with a knife, which is more than I could say for the
liver. |
| ----- |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
She gets all this special treatment because
the doctor says she has kind-of-a-flutter in her heart. So,
I have to do all her work. She'd better have a bad heart,
or I'm gonna kill her one day. |
| ----- |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
All the best Yankees are Italian. My mother
makes spaghetti with catsup. What chance do I have? |
| ----- |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
[W]hat do you expect me to say when you tell
me that pop wacks-off? |
| ----- |
| Kate Jerome: |
[G]et a quarter pound of butter. |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
I bought a quarter pound of butter this morning.
Why don't you buy half a pound at a time? |
| Kate Jerome: |
And, suppose the house burned down this afternoon.
Why do I need an extra quarter pound of butter? |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
If my mother taught logic in high school, this
would be one weird country. |
| ----- |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
I hear you. Cut my ears off, I would still
hear it though my nose. |
| ----- |
| Blanche: |
Is your throat sore again? |
| Laurie: |
No, it's the same one from before. |
| ----- |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
Liver and cabbage, a Jewish medieval torture.
My friend, Marty Gagorio, an A student in science, told me
that cooked cabbage can be smelled farther than sound traveling
for seven minutes. |
| ----- |
| Blanche: |
Do you know how hard it is today for a girl
to get a good job without a high school diploma? Tell her,
Kate. |
| Kate Jerome: |
It's very hard. |
| ----- |
| Stanley Jerome: |
It's puberty. |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
It's what? |
| Stanley Jerome: |
Puberty. You never heard that word before?
Don't you read books? |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
Yeah, the Count of Monte Cristo. It never mentioned
puberty. |
| ----- |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
If I had my choice between a tryout with the
Yankees, and actually seeing Nora's bare breasts for two-and-a-half
seconds, I would have some serious thinking to do. |
| ----- |
| Kate Jerome: |
How many times have I told you not to leave
your things around the house? |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
One hundred-and-nine. |
| Kate Jerome: |
What? |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
You said yesterday, "I told you one hundred-and-nine
times not to leave your things around the house." |
| ----- |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
I'm through, I got him out. I knew I had my
stuff. |
| Kate Jerome: |
Wash your hands. |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
They're clean, I'm wearing a glove. |
| ----- |
| Eugene Morris Jerome: |
I'm always going to the store, when I grow
up, that's all I'll be trained to do: go to the store. |
|
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