F. Ross Johnson:	Every penny you think I'm pissing away here, comes back to us dressed up like a nickel.
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F. Ross Johnson:	Tastes like sh** and smells like a fart! Got ourselves a real winner here! It's one God damn unique advertising slogan, I'll give you that.
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Scientist:	Well, of all the groups we tested, the response to Premiere was just about uniform.
Ed Horrigan:	They all said they tasted like sh**.
F. Ross Johnson:	Like sh**?!
Scientist:	Sh** was the consensus, yes, sir.
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F. Ross Johnson:	Warning: this cigarette can tear your balls off!
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F. Ross Johnson:	We've spent three-hundred-and-fifty million dollars, and we've come up with a turd with a tip?
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Scientist:	It's what we call, "The Hernia Effect."

CAST
F. Ross Johnson (James Garner)
Ed Horrigan (Matt Clark)