| Steve McCroskey: |
Jacobs, I want to know absolutely everything
that's happened up 'till now. |
| Jacobs: |
Well, let's see: First the earth cooled. And,
then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so
they all died, and they turned into oil. And, then the Arabs
came and they bought Mercedes Benzes. And, Prince Charles
started wearing all of Lady Di's clothes. I couldn't believe
it, he took her best summer dress out of the closet, and put
it on, and went to town. |
| ----- |
| Jimmy Wilson: |
Can I ask you a question? |
| Ted Striker: |
What is it? |
| Jimmy Wilson: |
It's an interrogative statement, used to test
knowledge, but that's not important right now, mister. |
| ----- |
| Ted Striker: |
They're launching the XR-2300! You know what
that is doctor? |
| Dr. Stone: |
The muffler bracket for the '79 Pinto? |
| Ted Striker: |
No, that's the XR-2200. The 2300 is the lunar
shuttle. |
| ----- |
| Steve McCroskey: |
[W]e keep losing their radio. |
| Bud Kruger: |
McCroskey, give it to me straight, what's it
look like? |
| Steve McCroskey: |
A radio? Well, about so big, green, with numbers,
lots of knobs. |
| ----- |
| Witness: |
Striker was the squadron leader. He brought
us in real low, but he couldn't handle it. |
| Prosecuting Attorney: |
Buddy couldn't handle it? Was Buddy one of
your crew? |
| Witness: |
Right, Buddy was the bombardier, but it was
Striker who couldn't handle it. And he went to pieces. |
| Prosecuting Attorney: |
Andy went to pieces? |
| Witness: |
No, Andy was the navigator, he was all right.
Buddy went to pieces. It was awful how he came unglued. |
| Prosecuting Attorney: |
Howie came unglued? |
| Witness: |
Oh no, Howie was a rock, the best tail-gunner
in the outfit. Buddy came unglued. |
| Prosecuting Attorney: |
And he bailed out? |
| Witness: |
No, Andy hung tough, Buddy bailed out! How
we survived, was a miracle. |
| Prosecuting Attorney: |
Then Howie survived? |
| Witness: |
No, 'fraid not. We lost Howie the next day. |
| ----- |
| The Bomber: |
[I]'d like this Time, and Newsweek, and a Lifesaver,
and, umm, the second time bomb on the right. |
| ----- |
| First Passenger: |
How long is my parking permit good for? |
| Information Agent: |
Two hours. |
| First Passenger: |
Thank you. |
| Information Agent: |
Yes, next. |
| Second Passenger: |
What's the fastest animal on Earth? |
| Information Agent: |
The cheetah. Next. |
| Third Passenger: |
Should I fake my orgasms? |
| Information Agent: |
Yes. |
| Third Passenger: |
Thank you. |
| Information Agent: |
Next. |
| ----- |
| Simon: |
Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet your captain,
Captain Oveur. |
| Capt. Clarence Oveur: |
Gentlemen, welcome aboard. |
| Simon: |
Captain, your navigator, Mr. Unger, and your
first officer, Mr. Dunn. |
| Capt. Clarence Oveur: |
Unger. |
| Mr. Unger: |
Oveur. |
| Mr. Dunn: |
Oveur. |
| Capt. Clarence Oveur: |
Dunn. Gentlemen, let's get to work. |
| Simon: |
Unger, didn't you serve under Oveur in the
Air Force? |
| Mr. Unger: |
Not directly. Technically, Dunn was under Oveur,
and I was under Dunn. |
| Mr. Dunn: |
Yep. |
| Simon: |
So, Dunn, you were under Oveur, and over Unger. |
| Mr. Dunn: |
Yep. |
| Capt. Clarence Oveur: |
Uhh, that's right. Dunn was over Unger, and
I was over Dunn. |
| Mr. Unger: |
So, you see, both Dunn and I were under Oveur,
even though I was under Dunn. |
| Capt. Clarence Oveur: |
Dunn was over Unger, and I was over Dunn. |
| ----- |
| Elaine Dickinson: |
Captain, I think we have a computer fowl-up. |
| Capt. Clarence Oveur: |
I see. |
| Elaine Dickinson: |
Well, what do you recommend, Captain? |
| Capt. Clarence Oveur: |
Maybe you should run it through the computer. |
| Elaine Dickinson: |
But sir, I already have. |
| Capt. Clarence Oveur: |
Good. |
| Elaine Dickinson: |
Just to be on the safe side, should I check
the rear data-banks? |
| Capt. Clarence Oveur: |
No, why don't you check out the rear data-banks. |
| ----- |
| Jimmy Wilson: |
Do you think that things will be a lot different
on the moon, Dad? |
| John Wilson: |
Oh, it's gonna be terrific. Whole new world,
new kids to play with. |
| Jimmy Wilson: |
Does that mean no more headlines about the
rape trial? |
| John Wilson: |
How many kids get the chance to like on another
planet? |
| Jimmy Wilson: |
No more kids shouting: "Your old man's a psychopathic
sex pervert"? |
| ----- |
| Steve McCroskey: |
Jacobs, what have you got on Elaine Dickinson? |
| Jacobs: |
Well, I'm two inches taller, a better dancer,
and much more fun to be with. |
| ----- |
| Ted Striker: |
Where am I gonna find a piece of metal, here,
in space, at this hour? |
| ----- |
| The Sarge: |
[Y]ou can tell your boys on the board for me
that this thing stinks to high Heaven of kickback! |
| ----- |
| Prosecuting Attorney: |
Doctor, can you give the Court your impression
of Mr. Striker? |
| Dr. Stone: |
I'm sorry, I don't do impressions, my training
is in psychiatry. |
| ----- |
| Mary: |
Captain, we've run out of coffee! |
| Capt. Clarence Oveur: |
Damn, if I told them once, I've told them one
hundred times: "store extra coffee!" |
| ----- |
| Buck Murdock: |
[I]rony can be pretty ironic sometimes. |
| ----- |
| Steve McCroskey: |
I gotta say something about that guy up there,
and I can sum it all up in just one word: courage, dedication,
daring, pride, pluck, spirit, grit, metal, and G-U-T-S, guts!
Why, Ted Striker has got more guts in his little finger than
most of us have in out large intestine, including the colon! |
|
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